I find it hard to believe, that exactly a year ago, I was in India. One year ago, seven of us got on a plane to travel across the Western world, to land in an exotic land. We left so much behind in the United States to settle for much less in this third country. It didn't hit us, and really, me, until about four days into the trip, what we (I) had signed up for. In fact, right now, I am not sure what I was thinking. I guess I was so enthusiastic about going to a country that I had never been before, one that I studied in college; in short, I thought I was prepared. How wrong I was.
I've been trying to plan and write something for this historic day and yet, nothing can come to mind. That was until today. I have decided to post a blog that I wrote last year. I will say that it is a bit intense, but I believe that it really highlights what my experience was like. So here is the blog I wrote last year, entitled, "It's not what I had in mind."
"It's not what I had in mind…" (March 22nd, 2010)
The spiritual realm was something that I had not entirely expected to be as prominent as it has been for this trip…well, let me rephrase this. I didn’t think that the kingdom of darkness’s combat would be this blatant. So what do I mean by this?
Open manifestations; Oppression, thick as fog, if not total darkness itself; even visitations, not to mention dreams, moving shadows, and feeling their touch.
All of which sound like the ranting of a crazy person, believe me, I have thought about it a few times. I mean how insane does this sound to someone who never experienced the supernatural or to someone who doesn’t believe, who refutes this faith-based belief. Not that I have given a large amount of time or dwelt on these thoughts of a possible break from reality. There’s no need to give into these ideas because in retrospect, who’s to tell me that I have lost touch with reality or have shifted into paranoid schizophrenia? Right…
I choose what I want for my life, in the sense of what I will do, what I will believe, what/whom I chose to serve. Maybe this is the way to view it; yeah that’s what I think I should dwell on. But back to the verbal minutia of my thoughts and experiences, yet I too digress…
It’s an experience of shock to feel such strong oppression and principalities in a country so unlike your own. At times, overwhelming causing you to desire retreat and a safe haven, amongst the chaos. Strongholds so engrained, even children suffer from the onslaught of these vice-grips; at times, you can see “them” on the shoulders of these people…other times, people in chains with “them” holding them as if humans were some kind of rabid animals. Even now my heart and soul groaning for freedom for these people…
Casting “them” out has become less eventful than I originally thought it was. Once it was scary and exciting at the same time; now they just practically throw themselves at you. Now we have only seen a few incidents…they seem to have system of low-attack, but this makes me realize how much of a demon hunter, I am not. No longer do I look for the next one to vanquish, as if it was a literal dragon to slay and then in return, I would rescue the princess of my dreams. Really…the glamour has faded away. Now these incidents are no longer isolated, they are real…almost tangible for me.
It has gotten to the point, where they plant dreams or more so nightmares, in my mind, during the night; very awkward and disturbing, which has made sleep very frustrating sleep. Its even taken to the extreme where choose to pay me house-visits. Oh yes, in the flesh or disembodied flesh, as it would be to the analytical, comprehensible mind of the rational person. Tangible, not transparent; 100% real, not of my mind. At the foot of beds, walking to and fro in rooms, floating, crawling across the walls…they come for a visit. Yet despite these “visitations,” no fear can take hold of me, ha…anxiousness is nowhere to be found. Righteous anger and peace, the kind that surpasses understanding, hold more promising power when unleashed; both deliver decisive and devastating blows to these fallen and arrogant ones.
Hopefully this is not so gray that you think me to be worried about what will happen next or that I am disheartened with the Almighty. Trust me, He would never give me anything more than I can hold; sometimes I just wise He didn’t trust me with so much. Its like my friend Andrew Shearman says, “We were made to bring our to chaos. Its man’s original mandate.” No matter how chaotic life seems, and even more so when the spiritual realm is at the doorsteps, its still no powerful enough to take hold. We were designed to bring light to dark places, order to chaos, and life to death.
In essence, this is what coming to India has been about…
