I became a pastor's son. Stamped and label. Wearing the "Hello, my name is…" nametag perpetually. Their vigilant eyes always watching. Always waiting. Never blinking.
I now had to fit someone's expectations.
I wanted to be normal. Average. Regular. Plain. I wanted out from the limelight. I felt bombarded with questions. Why did I have to be held to higher standards? Why couldn't I hangout with this group of friends? Why did I have to be active in serving t the church? Why did I have to be the first to participant? Why couldn't I say these phrases? Why couldn't I take about these books I read? Or movies I've watched? Why was everyone so uptight when I was around? Did I do something wrong? Why was there a look of disgust when I made a mistake? Was I a failure? Did I screw up so badly? Was I beyond forgiveness?
It always intrigued me how grace was extended to every other person and yet I seemed to be without. I would curse, get into a scuffle, or worse, had pierced in my ears. One single step out of line, and everyone knew. I was a poor example. Worse, my parents were seen as terrible role models. All because I had both ears pierced. What a joke! Or the time I obtained a Blink 182 album (I believe it was Enema of the State). Such uproar of disgust and horror was never heard before. By their standards, it was appalling. I was subsequently labeled, a bad seed. Whatever that means. Words.
I didn't fit the model. I was different. I never seemed to fulfill any of their expectations. I just seemed to fail. Came up short. Time and time again. Cyclical. You get the picture?
I tried to measure up, but always came short. Why was I different? I always wanted to know why.
The answers are never what you expect and subsequently, never what you want to hear. God has a knack for those sorts of answers. Simply stated, I was set apart. Beyond simplicity, I was being trained to pastor. I was being taught through situation and circumstance, how to extend grace to people who would much rather see me punished, than to be let off the hook. I learned how to love people despite their overbearing opinions and criticisms of what they thought about me. I learned how to be Christ in the midst of seekers.
I didn't fit the model. Neither did he. I failed people's expectation. So did he. His story and mine intersect quite a lot.
Being a pastor's son, taught me how to be more like Him than I would have ever believed.
