My emotional cup is filling up

After Real Life training camp this past week, reality finally set in…I am not leading another team this semester. After three semesters of consecutive team leading, I am taking a break. I mean, I lead three teams last year, a duration of eights months or so on the field. If you add the time I spent at G42, I was out of the states for 14-15 months in an 18 month period. Crazy isn't it? I missed holidays, family get-togethers, weddings, funerals, and hanging with my friends. I have been removed from American society and culture, the social norm, market recession, human progress, and normal human interaction. In short, I have felt social awkward in being back because, let's face it, I was immersed in four vastly different cultures so the normal sensations of U.S. culture appeared so very foreign to me. I haven't even held a regular or traditional job in almost two years, that's really weird to me. Granted I have taught English in Kenya, India, and Israel, but I have not been an "American," unionized, college-educated, bright-eyed, big dreaming teacher in two years. But this is for another time…

…as for now, training camp was a breath of fresh air. Simply, I am not leading another team at the moment, at least not for this four month semester. Two weeks ago from Saturday, I watched the nine leaders greeting and embracing each of their participants or kids as I like to call them. (Because, really, they are your kids.) I remembered that feeling of joy and excitement to do Kingdom with amazing men and women who want to change the world. Really, words, cannot express the joy that courses through your veins as you begin to pour into each and every one of them. You become a proud parent when you see them get it, when a breakthrough happens, when they show they that will be better than you. Oh yes, they start out at your ceiling, so truth be told, they will be better than us in every possible way. We set the bar, they meet that bar, and surpass it; thus we understand, discipleship. I love it because they excel in areas that took me years to push through. 

And something in that day began to move inside of me. I didn't realize it until last Wednesday, when they all headed to airport. I have had the opportunity of leading close to 30 participants on three different trips, with three of the most amazing women I could have ever asked for as co-leaders. I realized that I am not ready to lead another trip. I am more passionate, discerning, free, yet there is an area that is being worked on. My emotional cup comes to mind. It is not entirely full at this moment. Really, I am not sure that I could lead another trip, right now at least. The amount of emotional energy that you need to pour into each person, is something I don't have a lot of. It's not that the cup is broken. You see it isn't the same one I had six months ago. That one was really small. This new one, is much larger; aside from that, there is depth and volume. It takes a lot from that cup to fill up participants. I mean that is the job of us, leaders, to continually pour into them. It requires a lot on our part. 

The great thing that training camp showed me, was that I am investing more in the leaders. It is not that I am investing less, but that the "where" was changing. I am able to pour into them and subsequently, their teams. It is amazing. So as my emotional cup fills to the brim, I am pouring into the leaders and their teams. And what an encouragement they have been! 

This is a great season that I find myself in. I have the opportunity to go to places that I was never able to walk to before.