This is a post that I have been thinking about for the past three-four months, yet could seem to articulate what I wanted to say. I’ve started many different times, and still I have found nothing that can truly communicate the weight or the heart of what I want to say. What I have written today is the product of months and hours of contemplation; much of it I feel is an embodiment of, well, me. Still there are areas that I feel are lacking. The only reason it is written is that I cannot delay the inevitable, it must be said. So without, further adieu, here is that selection of my thoughts, on my transition to Gainesville.
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Simply stated, I cannot go home. Theoretically, I am home, in body, soul, and spirit, but literally, I cannot make this my resting place. This cannot be a place where I land and then I never move around, for intensive purposes, I get comfortable and complacent. As harsh as it may sound, this is why I cannot make Port Huron, Michigan, my place of solitude and rest. Familiarity breeds contentment, and that is a cycle that I cannot find myself caught up in; for it is truly, self-defeating and self-deprecating. That means, it will ultimately kill me, and I’m not just talking physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.
…Nick Hindes cannot find himself in a place where he is comfortable, where complacency and procrastination dictate his life. The truth is Gainesville, Georgia, can also be similar place where contentment sets in and I am all right with the status quo and would be fine doing the mundane. I cannot commit myself to a slow death, of not only a meaningless existence, but also a life devoid of purpose and reason. How terrible it would be to forsake logic and reason! To give up our ability to think, ponder, and diligently question, what a fruitless life that would be.
I say this because I am still not sure what the end game for me will be in three years, I’ll be honest about that. I just know that I am in a place where I feel like I am going in the right direction and am not going to stay put, watching the lights go by, and watching for my ship to come to port. I am ready and seeking a cause worth giving my life for; yes, this would be a cause to die for. Scary and quite possibly morbid, but it has purpose and a great deal of potential. That sounds more interesting than the day in day, menial and banal, really, the mundane; life-without purpose.
So unlike the motto and the subsequent Sufyan Stevens album, I cannot say yes to Michigan. For this time I must say no and continue on the path that I am called to walk down and look for the scent of something that I can give myself for.
Nick,
This is a great sneak peak into the last several months of all your contemplation and processing. Well said. I appreciate that you will not settle for less than the greatness God has for you. You will chase after your destiny, in search of what makes you come alive…that thing you give your life for. May this journey be full of abundant blessings around each corner. Glad you’re here in G’ville.
OH YES! NEW SEASON! Love you Nick Hindes! I can’t wait to see all that God has for you! XOXO