I have been quite reflective this past week, as it was exactly a year ago that I returned home from my trip to India. As hard as I could try, words just seem to fall short in communicating the complexity the experiences that had befallen me. Upon arrive home and feeling like an absolute failure, I questioned a lot. Even after I found out that I had not failed, but actually learned something of value, I still had questions. And now a year later, I have some questions.
Everything seemed to stem from one question: What do you do?
When a child dies? Do you carry on? What emotions do you show? How do things get better?
Or when every female member of your team comes down with a viral infection? What's if the doctors just say, "Suck it up?" How do you care for them in that moment?
Or when another missionary tells you that without a translator, your prayers for a person may as well just be in vain? How do you respond to that?
When the spiritual environment is so intense that you cannot think clearly, gather your thoughts? Do you lose your mind? Do you tune it out, in order to "normal?"
I have been puzzled. I mean I reacted to each and one, yet I cannot help but feel that I should evaluate the process. How do you react in situations such as these, where a simple answer will not suffice? Where you cannot answer using a one-word answer? Where more thought and care go into the answer and the action (or reaction)?
I am brought to something that I read about three weeks ago in On the Threshold of Transformation by Richard Rohr. Entitled, Experiencing Our Experiences, Rohr goes on to state:
Most men today, overly educated men, exist largely in their heads. We are trying to make sense of it all. As a result, we are often unwilling to actually experience life because we want the purpose and meaning up front too much desire to control and too little faith "to let go and let God." To really understand something, we need to submit to the experience without always understanding ahead of time what it is that we are about to experience.
Rohr basically, yet eloquently, alludes to need to experience situations and circumstances because of their seems to be a deeply personal and even, spiritual value attributed to the experiences we walk through. As men, we have the tendency to fear these experiences because of what it will require of us. You know what it will require. Work, energy, time, patience. And it may produce some frustration and probably some pain. Yet we will have possibly learned something.
Despite all of the questions, I still have regarding the experience that I walk through over a year ago, I know I have gone through these circumstances to learn and grow. Obviously, these questions are not easy. Even at the time, you had to react very decisively and quickly, and still somehow, they were not easy. The answer(s) that I gave, I still question and evaluate. Yet, I feel that experiencing these circumstances has lead to learning and character development.
These experiences have taught me about what it takes to lead. Actually, I should say that though these experiences, I have learned much about what I value in leadership and what type of leader I am.
Are you afraid of taking a chance to experience?
How would you respond in these circumstances?
Great blog Nick. It makes me ask similar questions from my own experiences. I agree with the fact that we fear the experiences sometimes. We can’t plan it all out & know how we will respond, if we’ll have the right answers, or if we’ll royally screw it up. That fear can paralyze us….all the while God’s calling us to jump in & experience it. There’s life in the experience. This is a great reminder for me today to embrace experience. Thanks.
Great blog Nick! Love this and love the quote by Rohr!