You’re Better Than That

I’ve been meditating on this particular point that Richard Rohr has in On the Thresholds of Transformation, about a need for conditional love from mentors. It took me a little bit to get over the term “conditional,” yet it truly describes a need in the male subconscous. Going hand-in-hand with “sufficient shoulder-to-shoulder time,” men need conditional love and pressure from mentors. Rohr states,

Youth need to earn respect and status from older men…in later years, men gratefully recall their toughest teachers and most demanding bosses and coaches. They know that those were the people who pushed them to be their best.

A man often knows that those were teachers who took him seriously, the mentors who saw something of worth and value in him…

He goes onto add,

…yet we need to hear the sacred no–something to bump up against, something that creates for us situations with limits–or we will never go deep and discover the best in ourselves.

After reading and contemplating on this lesson, I couldn’t agree more. We need pressure and “conditional” love to achieve our true potential, otherwise, we become narcesistic fools. I can think of three teachers who pushed me to become better than the why I presented myself. These were the men who called me out of a complacent mindset and critiqued the status quo persona that I gave off. I’d like to share with you, how each of these teachers played a role in my development.

The first was my high school English Literature teacher. He would question my thought-process when it came to writing essays and papers, which at the time, was absolutely frustrating. Every concept that was scribbled on a piece of paper, was critiqued and subjected to the queston, “Why should the reader care about this?” I hated it. I wanted to skate by. I wanted to escape his class. However, he would not allow that to happen, as he saw potential in me. He knew I had the propensity to write well, and to meld creativity with observation, in order to express myself and ideas in an eloquent way. This was realized when my midterm paper and first semester exam, set the curve for the class. Oh yeah, my paper (for a junior in high school) was flawless and set the bar for my other classmates. We talked a few years ago, and he told me that I just needed to incentive to write well, which was to become angry when someone wouldn’t validate subpar writing and terrible ideas. All I can say, is that he was absolutely right.

The second individual happens to be my Kempo instructor. Yeah, few people know that I that I studied martial arts. How this came about is a story for another day. My instructor was the kind of guy who pushed me, beyond my thoughts, limits, and work-ethic. I can honestly say that I had to redo two specific belts a few times because of my lazy attitude. He came in with a desire to see my excel, and yet, would not allow me to settle for less. He made sure that I was frustrated enough that I would have to change. This is where I had to learn the art of practicing, over and over for hours, in order that motions and movements would be fluid. At the time, I hated being told I was doing it all wrong and that my technique was sloppy. Now I can sit back and say that is exactly what I needed.

The last teacher happens to be this one history professor at SVSU. I took three classes with him. He had a very distinct teaching style, which I loved; I mean, I enjoy taking notes, pages and pages of them. Anyway, back to the story. I had worked on this ten page mid-term paper on Chivaric Role of Knights During the Crusades for his class, History of the High Middle Ages. In it, I tried to dispell the myths and code of conduct of knighthood, as they no longer applied to Crusader knights. I citied Arthurian legends and even the stories of Chrétien de Troyes. A week later, my paper was returned with an ungodly number of red marks and notes. I left the class dejected, only to be confronted by him in the hallway after class. He pulled me aside and told me of the tripe that I tried to hand in lack such originality and really, was so below me, that it wasn’t an insult to him; it was an insult to me. Needless to say, I passed through that class, but that conversation lingered. I could not wrap my mind around what he meant.

I ended up taking Near East History, 1200 B.C.E through 300 C.E. with him. I will admit that I had some mixed feelings. These in turn were squashed as I wrote a paper on The Decline of Egyptian Empire, Why it Crumbled. I spent more time on this one, explaining with passion and standing firm with my thesis. I actually received a better grade than I could have imagined. I couldn’t believe it. How did this happen? At the bottom, was a note that said, “Glad to see you took my advice. I knew you could do much better.” Without his criticism, I would have missed something valuable in the critical analysis process. I had to learn to stand firm on my

These are the mentors and teachers who pushed me to my true potential and for that, I thankful. If any of you are reading this, I want to you to know how grateful I am. Also, thanks to RIchard Rohr for your observations and thought-provoking questions.

What mentors/teachers have pushed you, in order that you would rise above status quo and complacentcy?