Room after room,
I hunt the house through
We inhabit together.
Heart, fear nothing, for, heart, thou shalt find her,
Next time, herself!—not the trouble behind her
Left in the curtain, the couch's perfume!
As she brushed it, the cornice-wreath blossomed anew,—
Yon looking-glass gleamed at the wave of her feather.–Robert Browning, Love in a Life
My Love is of a birth as rare
As 'tis for object strange and high:
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.–Andrew Marvell, The Definition of Love
Tuesday fit another piece of the puzzle. It was upon this day, we found the location for our wedding. Seriously, we've been engaged for almost two weeks and the second place we visit, turns out to be the place we want to have our wedding and reception. Honestly, this is surreal. At times, I feel at such awe, in that, two years ago, I could have never predicted I would ever pursue a deeper relationship with another human being. To be ever more frank, I know there was an aversion to seeking out a relationship because I honestly did not believe it could happen.
This situation that I find myself in is that of prevailing levels of love and passion. I have never felt this way before, and therefore, I do not ever wish to lose that. Such excitement has befallen me and I have continually remind myself that the dream has finally become a reality, for I am no longer in a facsimile subconscious state.
If you would have met me two years, prior to this exchange, you would notice a completely different man. Recently, a friend remarked about my time in Spain and how I was droning on about being cold, miserable, selfish, and alone. It's a stroke of divine epiphany for me because these dreams, two years ago, were completely dashed along the rocks. I had no future…with love.
It sounds pedantic and overwhelmed in chaos, and truth be told, I think that is how I exactly lived my life. I walked a rigid line that would never seem to help me out in the direction of tangible love. There was nothing anyone could do, say, and help me actualize in this genre. For all intensive purposes, I would never find love and therefore, would be cold, miserable, selfish, and alone. In fact, any attempt at persuading me to reconsider was met with harsh, if not, volatile rebuttal. If you would try to convince me of the "truth," you would walk away with disdain, frustration, hopelessness, and dejection.
This of course, was a poor facade for a person who had been battered, beaten, bruised, and
broken. An individual who wore his emotions and noticeably his sentiments, on his sleeve and they were always ready to be thrust off the cuff. Again, being cold, miserable, selfish, and alone was a self-fulfilling prophecy that evidently came true. It was so "real," that any portrayal of love was attacked and brought to the dust. In short, I was unable to maturely and intimately give and receive love, so much so, love was destroyed before it entered my ears.
Now look at me…
I am raptured in an ocean of love and passion. In a few months, I will be married to an amazing woman. This is what I want. It is more than I could have ever hoped for and frankly, this hope was not differed.
If anything, this reflection can share one brilliant point: there is hope for love.
Dude you got it bad like a teenage boy once again! Cheers to you and your Fiancee
love this babe! 🙂
Yes you have found love and what a princess you captured! 🙂
Proud of you Nick! So happy for you and Kayla!
xoxo
Get a room…
… in another location. : )
HA! Nick I’m laughing at comments 4 & 5..LOL. I am so happy for you!!
Congratulations Nick! I am thrilled for you and Kayla!
I can now see why male voices should probably avoid posts as such.
Awww…Nick, they love you– it’s cute and they ARE funny. Welcome to the family Kayla, the Hindes guys are a good bunch!