And when the event, the big change in your life, is simply an insight–isn't that a strange thing? That absolutely nothing changes except that you see things differently and you're less fearful and less anxious and generally stronger as a result: isn't it amazing that a completely invisible thing in your head can feel realer than anything you've experienced before? You see things more clearly and you KNOW that you're seeing them more clearly. And it comes to you that this is what it means to love life, this is all anybody who talks seriously about God is ever talking about. Moments like this.
–Jonathan Franzen, The Corrections
There is a daunting yet sutitle realization of which I have had to come to grips over the past few months.
Transition.
It has happened.
It is happening.
And it will continue to occur.
What is even more looming is that I cannot stop it. I lack control over it. How futile it is to actualize transition and try with all of your might to stop it. It doesn't feel right. There always seems to be a unrefined feelings attributed to it.
The only action I can take is to walk through. There is no management. No control. A lack of discretion. Emotions raging and at times, uncontrollable. All I can do, is to walk through it.
This is where I must leave today because in a few days I will be back home, to a place where I have left months, almost a year ago. It is my birthplace yet I feel as though it is uncomfortable. Like hot and humid climate, an undersized t-shirt, or luckwarm coffee, my body language will reflect the effects the atomsphere will play upon me. It doesn't fit anymore. I am no longer at the place where it's practice and influence, impact my life the way they did two-three years ago. A change has taken place inside of me, for which explanation would not do justice.
I have come to an understanding of my attitude during such situations of uncomfortability. I have to embrace it's incommodious impression, despite my particular disposition. My behavior is to treat everyone with the same love, care, respect, and honor I have always given, even though, the encounter is peculiar than in previous exchanges.
This transition is all about being who I am despite, feeling that i am not the same me.
